Earlier on I had talked about the importance of owning one’s voice in a relationship. You can watch the video here.
Today’s post is about how to maintain your voice.
Every human wants to be heard. We all want to be seen as valuable, that we matter in the scheme of things, that we are important. On the other hand, since the world does not revolve around you, you can’t always have your way or get the final say in your relationship. So how does one then strike that balance between maintaining your voice and allowing your partner own theirs too? Here are a few things to consider trying.
It’s important that you’re clear about what you are thinking, feeling or trying to process even though it might not be fully formed yet. It can be very frustrating when speaking to your partner and you’re incoherent or unable to say in clear terms what you want, your needs or dislikes. If you were in their shoes, you would feel the same way too. Imagine trying to understand what a toddler is attempting to say and you’re just not getting it……..yep!
JUST ONCE, PLEASE!!
When you want to say something, share an idea or express displeasure, try not to repeat what is being said over and over again. That’s what is called nagging….…lol. Nobody, (not even you) would want to be nagged at.
So if you say or express yourself a certain way and it seems like you’re not being heard or you’re just not getting the desired results, what’s one to do?. My next point would address that.
A subtle/gentle reminder is not a bad idea BUT most importantly, when you discuss (or raise) the issue the first time, always try to get a definite response or action on what has been discussed. In other words, what have you both agreed on? What was their response on the matter? Be clear on that. That way you’re able to hold them accountable to what has been agreed without sounding like a broken record.
‘The last time we talked about……………………..you mentioned you were going to……………….in 3 months, what’s up with that?
Part of owning your voice is considering the other person you’re in a relationship with. You have to make room for them to be heard, if you want to be heard too. It will be helpful for the relationship if you make effort to always put yourself in their position and try to understand them from that place. That way, they feel included in the partnership and would also want to hear you out.
So try not to be too rigid, within the confines of your values. It helps you keep that ‘humane face’ on.
Maintaining your voice in your relationship is not about being disrespectful, defensive, or spiteful. It is part of what helps you retain your humaneness. It might just be what would save your relationship in the end.
How else have you been able to maintain your voice?
If owning your voice is something you struggle with in your relationship or marriage, reach out to me. Send me a Dm or email here. I’ll help you find that balance so you can keep enjoying a healthy, beautiful relationship or marriage.